I was reminded recently about a bottoming class I taught at the start of lockdown 1.0 and as we enter lockdown 3.0 I’m wondering; will I ever feel that confident in my bottoming abilities again? Because right now I certainly don’t.
Inactivity, insomnia, naps, furlough, too many snacks, lack of routine and socialisation, have meant that the great intentions I had to use the time at home to tie more with my partner went out the window. Neither of us quite feeling it at any give time. The adage ‘tomorrow never comes’ comes to mind.
And the less we tied, the less confident I felt, the less confident I felt the less I want to tie. So here I am stuck in a catch22, and maybe saying it out loud will help.
Anyone that has spoken to me in person or online or attended classes I have co taught, knows that some of my passions are to empower, inform and above all else support every person that wants to be in rope so that they feel confident to explore themselves. And yet here I am saying ‘maybe tomorrow’ and feeling like a fraud.
So what now? Am I ‘done’ with rope? Do I want to be? Hell no! Maybe it’s time a take a dose of my own medicine, and maybe sharing will help anyone else having similar feelings
As I move into 2021 its easy to be filled with big plans, I want to feel as confident in myself and my body as at the start of 2020, to become the Shibari pretzel of my dreams…..or was that just a pretzel? I forget now. Big goals are great, but for me its important to remember that its those little steps along the way that help achieve them.
So; what would I say to someone who came to me and asked for advise if they were in a situation like myself. (Because we all know sometimes its easier to be kinder to others than yourself)
- Be kind to myself, no one in our generation has lived through a situation like this, it’s OK to not feel like doing things I normally enjoy. Its OK to have just ‘survived’ this year, because that’s an achievement.
- Remind myself why I enjoy rope, the joy, pain and connection it brings. What bought me to rope, go back to the fundamentals from my bottoms perspective and see this as a whole new journey to understanding my love and desire for rope.
- Re-frame, so it was a shit year, but that means this can only be better.
- Reading this will be the first time I have shared so extensively how I am feeling with anyone, not only does this let people I live with know what’s going on, it also means I am acknowledging my feelings and owning them, which for me is a great step to not brushing things under the rug and waiting for that tomorrow that never comes.
- Remind myself things I have achieved in 2020. Its not all doom and gloom! This years been a challenge, but me and Hiigara have quarantined together and worked from home successfully for 9 months…..and we are both still here, together, lost jobs, new job(s), relationships, friendships, moves and still some laughter along the way.
So, if like me, this quarantine didn’t turn into the debauched year of sex, kink and BDSM, fuck it (quite literally once the worlds safe again). But for now, I’ll be kind to myself, celebrate little successes and remember that rope doesn’t have to be perfect to be fun, it doesn’t have to be technical to be sexy, and after all, it was the eroticism and emotions that drew me here in the first place.
Mili-ficent
xx
Thanks for sharing. I think I bottomed in rope maybe five times since March 2020 and only once was that a suspension I think.
We tried to set up “tangled Tuesdays” even if only to tie a single column on a limb but we didn’t stick to them. I felt so privileged to live with a tieing partner and yet neither of us quite felt like we wanted to tie much. We both lost and started new employment also brought stress, steep learning curves and a lack of the social support that would normally be around.
One thing that occurred with me, I would visual Black Lives Matter protests, images of slavery etc and I felt afraid and I didn’t want to be tied or take part in shibari at that time. I couldn’t separate the painful links.
I did tie myself once, for the first time I think in a “scene” kind of way in a self tie ritual session with
Yoga treacher, LotusOracle. It was magical. I felt safe and could explore very slowly. I did cause unintended aches though as my rope tieing skills, especially self tieing, are limited and I may have been too enthusiastic with twisty shapes, while lacking a body that’s used to rope at that time!
Rope fibres also stated making me cough, which naturally wasn’t a great thing with covid being a thing. It seems harder to break in new ropes in a home (small ish space, carpets etc).
It’s good to hear from someone else who acknowledged how the year affected their affinity with rope. Your acceptance of yourself and compassion points are so kind and warm. You’re not alone.
Xx
Thank you SpringTide for your lovely response, even if it’s hard it is comforting to know there are people in the same boat and that by sharing it opens up a space to recognize and acknowledge those feelings.
Rope challenges I think are great and awesome for Inspo but like you I found it hard to stick to them.
I’ve taken to putting my wireless headphones on and having a silent disco for one during my work days to break away from the screen and ‘feel’ my body a bit more.
I hope we get to share space and rope chats in 2021 x